i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
