that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
