His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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