And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
