I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
