I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
