I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
