Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
