420 ftw
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
