So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
