k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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