I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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