I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
