a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize