question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Semen is not good for contacts.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
