Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
