so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
