apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
smell my finger.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
