You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
