I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
