And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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