I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
