I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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