the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
