his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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