I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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