So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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