i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
