Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize