Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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