exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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