Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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