dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
