Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
