She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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