WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
