he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
