I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
