Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
