considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
