Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
