Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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