Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
