There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
