sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Bring me that man meat
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
