Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
