I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
