Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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