you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
