My room smells like vodka and shame
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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