Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
