this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
