i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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