please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
