Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wear drunk well.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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