Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
