I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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