Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
