Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Are we still banned from the library?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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