i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
