rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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