Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
